my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Success! We fucked roommates!
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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