God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
