Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Randomize
