some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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