dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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