lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
