Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
