so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize
