I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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