Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
