sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
