I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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