What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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