I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
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