You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
