just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
