I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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