google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
