were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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