I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Found your dick twin last night
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
