theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
