i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
