I'm gonna have a badass scar
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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