There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
