brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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