So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
