Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
