It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
