erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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