Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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