Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
