I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Randomize
