I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
