Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
