I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
