Moan for me like Helen Keller
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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