Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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