I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
