I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
