i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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