I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
