how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
