physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Randomize
