Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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