Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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