Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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