I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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