God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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