Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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