is wine microwaveable?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
