Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
