so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
