I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
