I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
